They just sip. And that’s why I don’t like tea.
I’m going to say something here that’s going to piss a lot of people off. I don’t care. It needs to be said.
If I’m going to have something to drink – I want to drink it. You can’t drink tea. You have to sip it. And that’s what infuriates me.
You can’t drink tea. It takes forever. I wish it didn’t.
I have things to do. I have people to be. I don’t want to waste my time sipping tea. Give me something to drink. There I’ve said it. I like to swallow.
You have to wait for it to cool down to sip it or you’ll burn the crap out of the roof of your mouth. Who wants a burned mouth? Not “It”.
It’s fine for my wife. She likes tea. No I take that back.
She loves tea. She drinks it all day long and she says it makes life simple and more enjoyable. She says tea lets you think about things before you react to them.
So since she knows so much more about so many more things than I do, I decided to join her at the tea store on one of our dates. Chicago has some great tea stores. There’s this one over on Broadway in Chicago. You can buy tea in bulk and it smells really good in there too.
But when we get home and she makes the tea, it tastes funky. Not like anything “good” funky. I tried to like it but I couldn’t.
To me it tastes like dish water that has been soaking the skillet that you broiled that salmon in last night.
At best it resembles a baby diaper bin at a day care center for children that suffer from inferiority complexes.
Once I had a sip of my wife’s tea and I thought I was drinking hair dye that got poured into the Ganges River and strained through a gym sock that had been left in the bottom of my gym bag from last Thursday.
Who wants to drink that?
I don’t. Not me. Go look for crazy somewhere else. Please.
This Is Not Comedy
But I Had To Say It Anyway
I tend to agree. When he burst onto the scene as a young Stanford student some 15 years ago he was a beast. He was doing things most golfers never bothered to do. They sure as hell didn’t look like him.
Tiger hit the course and not only was he winning, no, destroying the competition, he looked really good doing it. He was chiseled from head to toe. He wasn’t sporting a gut. He had abs and pecks and he could drive the ball farther than anybody on the tour. Plus the color of his skin made us sit up and watch. A whole generation did.
He changed the game of golf forever. He changed the tour. The purses went up and now these guys are making more and more every year. They can thank Tiger for that. He is the one that made people watch, which brought in the sponsors who brought the prize money.
In 2014 there were 100 players who earned $1M or more on the PGA tour. In 1996, the year Tiger turned pro, there were less than half of that amount.
Here’s another reason Tiger won’t be back to the form he was.
He averaged 305 yards per drive as a young pro. 305. Ranked #1. No one else even came close. You know what he averaged this year? The same. 305. Respectable? Hell yeah!
That ranks him 19th overall.
But I don’t know what happened. Maybe he got distracted by his off the course challenges. Maybe he worked out and pushed his body too hard. He’s still a beast. Anybody who stays on the course and wins a championship with a completely destructed knee is everything we wanted to be.
But he had to take time off after reconstructive knee surgery. That took a year. Then he had to get that psychological edge back. That takes time. And many argue he never got the edge back after either one of those two incidents.
Add this — the guys on the PGA tour are the kinds of guys who are super competitive too. So they did what the champion had been doing. They worked out. They pushed themselves to build their gluts, not their guts, their abs and pecs so they could drive the ball further too.
So now Tiger still averages 305 per drive. Yet that only ranks him 19th overall.
So, No, I don’t think he’ll be back. That’s not a pun. Remember no comedy here today. Just a mini rant.
Did he destroy his body? Maybe. I doubt it. I think he just lost the edge.
I think he was the right man at the right time for the PGA. He built it up the way no one else ever could before him. There may be someone else behind him. But there will never be another Tiger Woods. I doubt it sincerely that he will ever win another championship. He did what he did when he did it but …. and he’ll never be back. Not anymore. In the meantime …
Thank you Tiger.
If you have the responsibility to book a key entertainer for your company’s next big event, I know that this is not your first rodeo.
It’s a complex process that’s probably taken you many years to acquire the skills required to make it a successful event.
And there is absolutely nothing like getting a call or note from the CEO telling you what a great event you orchestrated.
My career is based on playing a significant role in helping you get those types of calls and notes.
Whether it’s the parody songs I create or the way I weave your message into comedy entertainment or my ability to get everyone to stand up and sing along together, I know how to engage a room full of people.
I’ve been doing it successfully for most of my adult life.
But don’t just take my word for it. Take a look at what others in your position have to say about me:
Marda Cottrell Popejoy Inc. Fairbury, IL 61739 Ph-815-692-4471
“We had an absolute ball with your guys at our party! Since we have used you before we knew what we were getting and the second time was just as great as the first! My boss said he thinks this was the best Christmas party that we have ever thrown! I hope that we can work together again in the future!”
Cheri Breneman, Administrator Illinois Association of Fire Protection Districts email@example.com 800-524-6620
“As for the evening entertainment, I heard nothing but positive comments on you performance. Your talent was an exceptional fit to our audience (age, gender and culture) and the conference social event. It is a true pleasure being involved with something that makes others happy and you accomplished that in more ways than one. Thank you for your service to the IAFPD 72nd Annual conference.”
Hopefully, I’ll be able to add your testimonial to my list of references.
A phone call is the best way to get that process started.
Please give me a call at your convenience. You can reach me at 773-527-7417.
I look forward to talking to you!
Ten years on the stage at Second City taught me one important lesson: use a warm and personal approach to engage the audience.
That’s how I’m able to put people at ease, and receptive to hearing your message.
And best of all, I do it with music – the kind of music that makes people laugh, sing along arm in arm and smiling from ear-to-ear.
Here’s another thing – they’re not only engaged with the music and me, they’re engaged with each other.
Now, I could go on and on about myself, but I’d rather let some of my clients do the talking for me.
Excited about using entertainment with great music? Let’s talk more about it!
Just give me a call at your convenience, at 773-527-7417.
Happy July everyone. I’m not so sure what I can write this week in a commemorative vein that will not alienate or divide you, my readers, my fans, my friends.
I have been fortunate to not only be born in the USA. I have also been fortunate to travel all over the world and listen to others’, their lives, their situations.
I have met people from the islands in the Caribbean and Asian countries and from Europe and India. There is more than one opinion out there. There is more than one way to get to where you want to go.
I am proud to say I am a citizen of the Earth today. We are all on this rock together. I do my best to listen to all points of view. No matter where they’re from — another part of the country or another part of the world.
Tho we may differ greatly in our beginnings, our defenses towards intolerance may stand a chance of evaporating in the end. Our mutual caring, understanding, compassion and love for one another can, and MUST, continue no matter what side of an issue we think we stand upon.
The good ole US of A was founded on freedoms, freedoms to believe and to seek a new opportunity. I ask you all on this anniversary of my country’s declaration of independence from tyranny to keep an open mind to the idea that we share variety along with our need to belong.
It will not matter if you believe in someone else’s list of beliefs or if you are a free thinker and you have come up with your own set of rules and ethics, I am certain there is room there to tolerate long enough to hear that we are all after the same thing —
To be at peace within ourselves.
To be capable of doing the things we love to do with people we like to be around.
To be comfortable to try new things with the limitations we all must encounter.
To be able to grow and change with dignity and grace, compassion and encouragement for others’ who are trying to do the samething you are.
To love unconditionally, without expectations that others who did not start out the same as you will be able to receive love.
Because in the end we know that love conquers all, Love for our country, Love for our elected officials, love for our neighbor even if they don’t act like they love us in the same way.
Happy Independence Day to all my American friends May your pursuit of happiness be of service to those around you.
One of the best ways I know of to bring ease and harmony is through the gift of live music.
Give me a call so I can do my part to bring joy to your life and the people you love.
I always love the feedback!
All the best,