Hi There and Welcome to Another Installment The Piano Bench Blog Cast:
Chicago Mayoral Election Results
Today’s broadcast comes in the form of some more great piano music and comedy. Our topic? Chicago mayoral election results. I certainly hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed writing and recording.
Chicago politics has no shortage of great comedy material. So tune in regularly.
And be sure to contact me, Dan, for your custom written music and comedy for your client appreciation night, your corporate event or hospital visit.
The first Chicago Mayoral Runoff Election is over. It’s finally over.
And there really wasn’t any doubt. Rahm-bo has won re-election and he gets another 4 years as our CEO of Chicago.
His challenger was a reluctant candidate named Chuy. Yes. You heard me right. That’s pronounced ‘Chewey’ as in I got something in my mouth and I got to wait to finish ‘chewey’ it before I can answer your question.
And that’s exactly how the guy who was going to take City Hall by storm and unseat a very unpopular incumbent was acting. “Yeah, I’ll get around to it. I didn’t really feel like running, but let me finish my lunch first.”
Rahm Emanuel and Chuy Garcia
I say Rahm was unpopular because, well, he is. He has had to make some of the tough choices. Our city is upside down financially (like the rest of the state of Illinois is). Rahm came in and cut union jobs, trimmed fat and ruffled feathers as he tried to shore up pensions. But honestly, in this writer’s opinion, he is going to have to do more. Which will make the next election in 4 years even more contentious.
This election at least had a few laughs. No one thought Chuy was a real threat. But we welcomed the levity of it all.
Would you like a few suggestions for the next time you run as an opposition candidate? Glad you asked:
- Lose the mustache. We don’t want the Frito Bandito to be our mayor.
- Drop the next door neighbor act. We are a world class city playing on an international stage. No one from Switerland who is bringing in millions of dollars in revenues from his trade show cares. We care. But they don’t. And you know what they say, “The customer is always right!”
Your neighbors will get work from the trade show. The tax base will get solvent from all the hotel and restaurant revenues. Plus, as mayor of Chicago you might actually get a free trip to somewhere other than the corner store for a pack of smokes.
- Have a plan. Fer cryin’ out loud! You got up on stage in a debate without a plan?!? Next time when they ask you how you’re going to fix this fiscal calamity staring us in the face and you say, “I’ll form a committee?” we’re going to punch your ticket to the minors. At least act like a politician. Lie to us. A committee? Are you F$%&^#@^ kidding me?
Having a committee meeting with politicians is like telling a 9 to 5-er he can have a 3 hour coffee break. He’ll take 5 and come back sauced with a case of chlamydia. And no chlamydia is not the latest micro brew from Wrigleyville.
- Get a better nickname. Chuy, if you think George Lucas is going to take your meeting to bring his Star Wars Museum here, you better at least change your last name to Bakka.
So here we go tumbling down the abyss with another 4 years of a tried and true, cut throat, kick ass politician who loves a good brawl. If you got to break a few eggs Rahm, make a damn good omlette. Just do it in fine Chicago politico style. Break a few legs too. Just try not to break too many rules.
And if we find out later you broke a few laws to get it all done. Don’t worry. We’re getting kind of used to dressing our former leaders in orange jump suits. Or as we like to say in the neighborhood, if you’re going to be douche bag politician, at least you’re our douche bag.
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